Our Anti-bullying Work

At our first meeting with the nation’s sixth largest school district, The Humanity Project had one clear message: “We believe that bullying must become socially unacceptable, just like such things as drunk driving or smoking in crowds.” That remains our goal in all our anti-bullying efforts. We believe strongly that students, parents and teachers must begin to view bullying differently. It’s no longer kids just being kids. Bullying is socially destructive behavior.

We’re proud of the Thousand Youth March for Humanity that we conceived and will now organize and lead, a major public anti-bullying event that's unprecedented in Florida and perhaps in the United States. More than 1,000 students, from grades K – 12, will march through the streets on Sunday, November 16, 2008 to take back their own schools from the bullies. We think that the message delivered by these youths will be as clear as our original comment to the Broward County school district: “Bullying must become socially unacceptable.” News coverage is likely to help us deliver that message far beyond the borders of Broward County in South Florida.

The Humanity Project also created our own innovative anti-bullying program that we’ll take into those same South Florida schools beginning later this year – and we’re very proud of this as well. Our entertaining, thought-provoking half-hour presentation will be seen by elementary school students. Again, the message is very clear: “Bullying hurts everyone in school, not just kids who are bullied. So everyone must view bullying as socially unacceptable behavior.” It’s all part of The Humanity Project’s mission to show the many real, practical connections that link human beings – and the ways that we can lead our lives for the betterment of both humanity and ourselves at the same time. Helping yourself, helping humanity. That’s The Humanity Project.

Finding the “Us’ in Everday Life

I am sitting in sweaty gym clothes as I write this, just back from the gym. I know, I know. Not the prettiest image, for which I’m sorry. But I want to explain just how fresh the idea for this blog is. I thought of it 15 minutes ago at Gold’s Gym in Hollywood, Florida. I was working out on a stationary bike when I said to myself, “Ok, how would I apply The Humanity Project philosophy to this situation? Right now?” That philosophy essentially says that we live more meaningful lives as individuals by focusing our attention on contributing not to “me” or even to “them” … but to “us.” So the question was, “How could I contribute to us – both myself and others at the same time – while just working out at the gym?” Here’s what I came up with:

• I could smile. That really does make me feel better but it also improves the general attitude in the gym for others. It helps “us.”
  
• I could exercise harder. By being in better shape, I make myself stronger and healthier, which of course is good for “me.” But how can I view this as also truly being good for “us”? These were my some of my thoughts about that question:
  
  1) If I’m in shape, I’m better able to help others, including friends, in everyday life. I remember the time before I overcame my back problems. I had to have my then-spouse lift suitcases out of the car when we traveled. I couldn’t pick up things to assist friends when they moved or needed help shifting furniture around their houses. Or whatever. This is the kind of thing many of us are called on to do often, even if it just means hoisting a couple gallons of milk for an elderly lady at the grocery store or helping to clean our own home.

2) I’m stronger in case someone really needs my assistance in an emergency. This isn’t everyday stuff – but it’s not far-fetched either. Where I live in South Florida, bystanders routinely are called on to aid drivers whose cars have veered into one of our many canals. Any of us may be involved in, or be near, an auto crash or a fire or some other event where strength and confidence in our physical abilities is needed. Ask the people who survived 9/11 about that. God forbid any of this actually happens to us, of course. But it literally is true that we may be needed and that we’re a stronger, better prepared citizen if we are in good shape.

3) Exercise improves my attitude, self-confidence and health. This has many ripple effects for the good: It makes me a more balanced human being emotionally. It helps me cope with difficult people and situations more effectively. It frees more of my best at work, in social situations and everywhere else. I am less likely to suffer some physical ailment. Etc., etc. And all of those things benefit others in lots of direct and indirect ways.

• But working out with “us” in mind has a deeper, more far-reaching benefit too. It can help me to feel connected to my fellow human beings, lifting me out of a life lived in isolation, only for “me.” Try it yourself and you’ll see what I mean. By thinking and acting for “us,” rather than “me” or even “them,” I add a much greater purpose to everything I do, even something as ordinary as going to the gym. And that purpose gives my life a richer meaning.

I hope you’re starting to get the idea. Focusing my actions and thoughts on “us” offers me a very good reason to get out of bed every day – to live my life in ways that benefit both me and others at the same time. I stay motivated because it benefits me. I stay connected to others and find meaning in my life because it benefits my fellow human beings too, which becomes an additional powerful motivation for me. In turn, all of this improves society by improving the individuals in it, starting with me. Right now, at the gym. That shift in perspective is among the key goals of The Humanity Project’s program: finding a sense of connection and involvement with every other human being by living for “us.” We believe our unique program can teach anyone how to make and maintain that mental shift, adding purpose and meaning to our everyday lives. Even if we’re just sweating on a stationary bike at Gold’s Gym.

This is the fourth in a series of original modern fables by The Humanity Project. They are short, fun, fictional tales that we hope will help demonstrate key points of The Humanity Project message. Stories have been used to teach moral lessons for centuries, from the ancient Greeks through the Bible and up to today’s self-help gurus. That’s also our goal with these stories. We hope you’ll enjoy “The Tale of the Small Hole.”

The Tale of the Small Hole

Life is tough if you’re nothing but a small hole. For big holes, sure, things aren’t quite so bad, sure, sure. At least bigger is better, as everyone knows. But for each small hole poked into the fabric of this world somewhere, there is almost nothing to do but to live in hollow boredom.

The worst of it was this, though: The Small Hole wasn’t even sure, totally sure, he was even a hole even. He was round. Sort of. He was empty inside. Kind of. But he sat among rows of black lines on a field of white. His best guess was that he came into being as a tiny hole in a sheet of paper. But he wasn’t sure, not totally sure, not sure at all.

The Small Hole had lived all his small vacant life with this terrible uncertainty. Big holes at least had some purpose anyway. They could let big things pass through them anyway, like a tunnel that is a pass-through for cars anyway. At least it was something to do with your day. Even some small holes could be useful sometimes, it seemed, as when a finger scratches an itchy leg through the pocket hole of old jeans. Even small holes had a purpose even, sometimes. Not a grand purpose, mind you. But amid the nothingness of small hole life, even small purposes were welcome.

So sat the Small Hole, day after day. Round and empty, sort of, kind of. Unable even to think of himself as a big nothing even, because he was only a small nothing after all. The Small Hole had no purpose and nothing to give at all.

Or so it seemed.

Until the day he overheard one voice uttering some very interesting words. (Yes, holes can understand whatever people say. Most recognize several languages as well as signing for the deaf.) The Small Hole heard one man’s voice talking, followed by very beautiful sounds. The same voice again, then more sounds of a beauty the Small Hole had never heard before. And then once more, the same man’s voice again, once more yes the same man’s voice, but now very loud, very bellowy now. This is when the man’s words got very interesting, if also very loud.

“You’re late!” the man’s voice bellowed. “You have the most important moment in this whole work – and you’re late! Play on the downbeat, as it is written!”

The Small Hole understood the words, of course, but he could not make sense of their true meaning. What was the bellowing man talking about? Soon enough, the Small Hole would learn.

Because now the voice of the bellowing man continued: “I can’t believe my ears! One note to play and you get it wrong! That cymbal crash is the climax of this great symphony by this great composer and you cannot be late! On the downbeat, Mr. Nada! It’s right here on your page! Let me show you!”

What was the bellowing man saying? The Small Hole glanced quickly around now, excited. Because something was happening now. Yes, now the bellowing man was drawing a circle in pencil now. A circle around … him! Around the Small Hole! The bellowing man was drawing a circle around the Small Hole, which of course meant the bellowing man had been talking about the Small Hole!

And now the Small Hole suddenly understood something he never had understood before. Something that made everything make sense at last. Because the Small Hole was not a hole at all after all, after all. He was a musical note. Sitting in the middle of a sheet of lined music paper, all alone. All alone – because he was so important.

“The most important moment in this whole work,” the bellowing man, who really was the orchestra conductor, had called the Small Hole. “The climax of this great symphony by this great composer,” the bellowing orchestra conductor man had added. Then the bellowing conductor had drawn that circle in pencil around him, around the Small Hole.

Yes, the Small Hole understood now for sure, for sure. He wasn’t a Small Hole. He was a Big Note. He was the Big Note that made the cymbals of the orchestra crash loudly together at just the right time at just the right place in the music for everyone in the audience to enjoy. For sure, the most important musical note in this great symphony by this great composer!

And the Big Note understood one thing more, for sure. He understood that this is how it goes sometimes, for sure, for sure. Because sometimes we are sitting just a little too close to the page to see everything, that’s all. Sometimes it all looks just too big all around us to recognize our real place among it all, that’s all.

Sometimes we have a more important purpose, much more important, than we think. Yes, this is what the Big Note understood at last. Except sometimes we just need someone to draw a circle around us, in pencil, to show us what we were missing all along.

The Humanity Project believes purpose is what we each find for ourselves. It is our perception of our place in the world as an individual. The Humanity Project also believes that every human being can live a fuller, more meaningful life by recognizing that we each have something important to offer. Finding that larger purpose, and making it the focus of our everyday existence – that’s what The Humanity Project is all about. For more on this idea, we suggest you listen to our June 2008 podcast, “Me, Them … and Us.” You can catch this at www.thehumanityproject.com. Just click there on The Humanity Podcast and look for the podcast dated “6.26.08,” then click again to listen. Thanks!

Me, Them ... and Us

This is just a quick post to let you know about a new podcast. We think it's an important podcast for you to hear. It's about a new way to look at the world -- not being all about "me." But also not being all about "them."

At The Humanity Project, we believe in a different philosophy. We think our lives can and should be lived for "us." We can live, act, think and love in ways that contribute to all of us together. See what we mean by going to our home page at www.thehumanityproject.com and clicking on The Humanity Podcast. Then click on the top podcast, "Me, Them ... and Us." We think you may find it helpful as a way to live your everyday life.

Anti-Bullying Efforts and The Humanity Project

I want to fire off a quick blog to tell you about this website’s latest podcast, which deals with anti-bullying efforts in South Florida. I also want to let you know a little about The Humanity Project’s new anti-bullying program. This work fits nicely with our group’s mission, which is non-religious and science-based. The Humanity Project is all about helping individuals to lead fuller, happier lives through giving. We call this unconditional giving – that is, contributing to society without worrying what’s in it for us. We also promote the idea of a common bond among all individuals. Our program for elementary schools focuses on making bullying socially unacceptable, including the introduction of this idea: “If you hurt someone, you hurt yourself. But if you help someone, you also help yourself!” That message is just one part of the overall program that shows students why bullying is a bad thing for everyone. Our work especially centers on persuading so-called bystanders – those children who aren’t bullies or bullying victims. If we can get all students, along with adults in the schools and parents, to agree that bullying is socially unacceptable, the school culture will slowly change.

The sixth largest school district in the United States is already tackling this issue in a big way. Broward County, Florida is the home of Fort Lauderdale. It’s also a place where a progressive, forward-thinking school board and superintendent have made anti-bullying a priority. Superintendent James F. Notter and the board members have appointed a task force to recommend specific curricula and policies for the coming school year. In charge of that task force are two terrific women: Shelly Heller, an attorney and mother of four, and Aimee Wood, a school prevention specialist. I hope you’ll check out May’s podcast, just posted at www.thehumanityproject.com, featuring an interview with Shelly Heller about all this.

If you want to contact Shelly or anyone in the school system about these anti-bullying efforts, you can do it in a couple of ways. You can email The Humanity Project at rsk@thehumanityproject.com and we’ll forward it. Or you can go to the Broward school district website at www.browardschools.com and look for contact information there. The Humanity Project sits on two of the five subcommittees working to create Broward’s anti-bullying curricula and policies – and we’re proud of that work. We hope to lend our innovative ideas to the anti-bullying efforts in Broward County, Florida for a long time. And we will be happy to share our program with other school districts or organizations anywhere in the world.
______________________________________________________________________

This is the third in a series of original modern fables by The Humanity Project. They are short, fun, fictional tales that we hope will help demonstrate key points of The Humanity Project message. Stories have been used to teach moral lessons for centuries, from the ancient Greeks through the Bible and up to today’s self-help gurus. That’s also our goal with these stories. We hope you’ll enjoy “The Tale of No-Time Nora.”

The Tale of No-Time Nora

No, no, no, no! No was No-Time Nora’s favorite word. Often she would say, while hurrying past him or her in some frantic flurry, “No! Sorry! No time!” No time for coffee with a colleague. Sorry! No time for sewing with her sister. Sorry! No time for a film with a friend. Sorry! No, nor time to stop and listen, nor time to stop and chat. Nora was far too busy for frivolous stuff, for time-wasting things like that.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! Gotta go feed the dog! And then the cat,” she would blurt into her cellphone while darting door to door, car to apartment, in very few seconds. Usually just 26 seconds flat. Though with her arms loaded with grocery bags, Nora would sometimes wave one spare finger, very quickly, toward her neighbors Paula, Spencer and Nat.

No-Time Nora had showers to scour, you see. Washing to wash, dusting to dust. Endless errands, a list of things-to-do that filled up her day. Important stuff, time-taking chores like that. And when they were done, just before bed, there was always the company of her dog. And her cat.

There was no time at all for doing with others. There just were not two seconds in her day to give two seconds to anyone at all. She never could squeeze in one instant for friendly frolics or friendships, she never could eek out one moment for moments of family fun. Though sometimes Nora paused long enough to admire her checklists showing all the chores she just got done.

Of course, none of Nora’s “no’s” was entirely necessary. Her shower was completely mildew-free. Even her dog was scrubbed down and her cat was washed clean. As were Nora’s doors and windows and every one of her window screens.

But at least her busywork life kept her so, so, so busy. So busy she had almost no time to notice how busy she was being unhappy. No-Time Nora just numbly buzzed with a busy loneliness throughout each busywork day. With no one and nothing in her busy life but one fat dog. And one very fat cat. And one sparkling shower – oh yes, and also one totally spotless white bathmat.

Until one day, Nat helped Nora with an armload of groceries, smiled and said to her, “Nora, my neighbor, some of us plan to help out another neighbor who needs some real help this weekend, just down the street. I know you’re always rushing off to do chores in a frantic flurry. But why not help us help our neighbor for just two hours – or just one hour’s helping if you really have to hurry?”

She could at last meet all the nice neighbors in their nice neighborhood, Nat told Nora. Giving two of her busy hours to someone else might make her smile more than she seemed to smile now. She could set aside for a while, Nat suggested, all the endless chores of her frantic, flurried life. Nora might even talk a bit with Spencer and Paula – who, Nat explained, were his son and his wife.

Nora pondered Nat’s invitation for just a moment. For two seconds Nora gave his suggestion a first and second thought. Maybe she really needed to meet some people. Maybe doing something for somebody else would do her some good. Maybe a nice smile with some nice neighbors would make a nice change. And with Paula and Spencer, she might even have some pleasant words to exchange.

But you know, of course, how No-Time Nora answered Nat. “No” was the first of the few short words in her no-time reply. “No time for helping neighbors, but thanks, Nat – goodbye!”

Sometime later, after Nat was gone, Nora told herself she really would like to help her needy neighbor. Why, of course she would! Because she was a giving person after all. If, if, if only there were more hours in her busy, busy day. But on the big neighbor-helping weekend, of course, she really had to scrub down the dog and clean up the cat. “And then there’s that dirty shower to scour,” Nora reminded herself, “and I really, really must wash that filthy white bathmat!”

Time for sharing herself with others was time that No-Time Nora always seemed to lack. Besides, when she had tried sharing herself with others, in the long ago past, others sometimes didn’t share themselves back. Life was so, so much simpler with just her one sparkling shower and her one fat dog – and
her one very fat cat.

The Humanity Project says there’s no need for No-Time Nora to live in such busy, lonely isolation. She was prevented from connecting with other people mostly by fear and anger – that is, her memory of times when she had reached out but didn’t get the response she expected. The Humanity Project’s program teaches a practical system for sharing our best with others, without expecting anything from those people and without worrying that they won’t be grateful for our help. Unconditional giving. This frees us from the kind of feelings that held Nora back. We learn to focus on giving rather than getting. In turn, that makes us feel happier and allows us to connect with our fellow human beings in important ways. If you know a No-Time Nora, tell her (or him) to call The Humanity Project at 954-205-2722.

Finally, A New Blog!

Hello to everyone! I know it’s been a long, long time since the last blog. This pause in the action is unusual for The Humanity Project – and there have been many reasons for it. Basically, I have been focusing my efforts on building a stronger live organization here in South Florida so we can get the people and funds to do more. More for kids and adults here and elsewhere, in the community and online. We have big plans and big ambitions. One of the major current projects is developing our program of unconditional giving for the schools, where it can work effectively as an anti-bullying program. As the author of 23 books for young people, I know our system can be very useful in reducing bullying.

In addition to all this, I was away for nearly a month on a travel assignment. Since I’m not paid at this point by our organization, whose money is limited, I have to earn my living doing writing for magazines, blogs and other places. It was an amazing trip – Australia, the Solomon Islands, Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, the Philippines and Hong Kong. I learned a lot, including many things that directly have influenced my thinking about The Humanity Project and how to do what we do even better. But it was long time away from South Florida too.

Anyhow, I’m back and we’re moving forward. We’re making efforts to beef up our board of directors with new people, new ideas and new sources of income for our nonprofit group. The Executive Service Corps of Broward County is helping us with that. We’ve also begun a campaign for new members and volunteers. And we need your help! Please join us – it’s only $75 a year and your donation will support our work and add your voice to our group. Just go to the “Join the Project” page on our website to make a secure credit card donation. I’ll be back in this space soon with new stories and new ideas about how unconditional giving really can help you lead a happier, more meaningful life – and help others at the same time. Help Yourself, Help Humanity. That’s what The Humanity Project is all about!

This is the second in a series of original modern fables by The Humanity Project. They are short, fun, fictional tales that we think will help demonstrate key points of The Humanity Project message. We hope you’ll enjoy “The Tale of Generous Jen.”

The Tale of Generous Jen

Upon some time lived Jennifer once. Writing a children’s book, she was, all in lovely scented verse. Writing only once, perhaps twice, a month. Perhaps. When she could find some time.

This was how Jennifer’s scented children’s book began:

“Music comes alive at night, you know.
Every note has ears to hear.
It listens for the first sound of your snore.
And waits for your dreams to come near.”

Enchanted imagination was Jennifer’s great gift, telling us of things no one else could think to tell. Much more than these few lovely words, oh yes, Jennifer had almost written. But all the rest was still locked inside her head, just dancing and humming to get out for some young someone-else to read.

Just when Jennifer’s words would be unlocked free, oh my – this was anyone’s guess. If those words would ever be unlocked at all. Because Jennifer was so generous, you see. “Generous Jen,” her family all called her. Jen’s fingertips were usually far too busy helping someone else with something else for those fingertips to unlock her enchanted imagination. Whether that help for someone else was needed much or not.

No matter how many other fingertips were busy baking cookies for the church bake sale, Generous Jen always volunteered her fingertips too. No matter that her mother rarely wore some pair of worn pants – Generous Jen hemmed them up some half-inch higher with her busy fingertips. Just in case her mother changed her mind. Every friend who didn’t really need help packing up to move got Jennifer’s generous help anyway. Every friend of a friend who didn’t really need a ride to the airport got their ride anyway from Generous Jen.

There was not a “no” bone in her body any time anyone hinted they might prefer a “yes” from Jennifer. Always giving, giving, giving something or other to someone who didn’t really need her smallish gifts. That was Generous Jennifer.

If that’s what real giving really means, of course.

Because some gifts are gifts much easier to give than others, perhaps. Perhaps.

Much easier to give, at least, than writing scented verses.

At The Humanity Project, we believe “Generous Jen” isn’t really giving her best. But we also feel sure that she could. Our 10-point program can help Jennifer free that enchanted imagination – and the other great qualities that make her a unique individual with much to offer the rest of us. We all have that same potential, each in our own way. Learning to give the best in ourselves to others throughout each day, without expectation of reward or fear of rejection, can help release that potential. We hope you’ll want to join The Humanity Project to find out how a giving life can make you happier. And we hope you’ll tell your friends about us too!

Small Things

Something happened to me the other day that may help to illustrate what we mean by a “giving lifestyle.” And it might also help to show how small things we do spontaneously throughout a day can make a difference to someone else.

A young woman called me up to sell an insurance policy of some kind. She was pleasant, with a warm and gentle voice. I declined politely, as I always do with telephone solicitations, and asked if she would take me off her call list. She agreed with a sweet, “Yes sir,” and was about to hang up. But a thought occurred to me just then and I blurted out, “Before you go …” So I told her what I’d been thinking during my conversation with her: “You have a very pleasant voice and manner on the phone. It made a difference. Even though you didn’t make a sale, I wanted you to know.” She thanked me in a way that suggested the remark had meant something to her.

I had found a small opportunity to express myself through an action that might help someone else, just a tiny effort to reach out during my day. But who knows what impact my comment may have had on this young woman? Maybe it provided nothing more than a brief ego boost before it rolled off her back. But maybe not. Haven’t we all had the experience of hearing just the right comment at just the right moment in our lives – and always remembering those words? I know I have. It’s possible that my remark will help deepen her self-confidence somehow. Maybe the fact that someone went out of their way to say something nice will touch her and help renew her faith in humanity. Who knows? But it can only do something positive, I think. I offer all this, not to call attention to my own minor action, but rather to illustrate that small things CAN make a difference. And that doing those small things, and the larger things that we also can contribute to others – that’s what we’re talking about at The Humanity Project. Living a giving lifestyle. It helps others, it helps ourselves. And it can help to make a better world.

Far East Reflections

I’m just back from two weeks in the Far East. It was an amazing travel-writing trip for me, my first to Asia. (By the way, I want to again thank Zach Ziskin of Funny Monkey Enterprises for his help in updating the website daily during my absence.) I began in Thailand, moved on to Vietnam, then to Brunei (not exactly a common stop for travelers), Malaysia and finally Singapore. In each place, the cities and countryside were vibrant, the food was excellent, the people were beautiful and very friendly.

I’m mentioning my trip for a reason. This journey gave me a great chance to reflect on some new things. Or maybe it was really some old things viewed from fresh perspectives. Here was one of those perspectives: I crawled more than 120 feet while some 15 feet underground through a tiny tunnel built during the Vietnam War for Viet Cong soldiers. It was a hole barely 2 ½ feet tall and maybe 1 ½ feet wide, just enough for me to squeeze through. During the war, 20,000 people lived in this 120-mile complex of tunnels and miniscule underground rooms. Literally, lived there. I’m planning an upcoming podcast on the experience, but I can tell you that this greatly strengthened my ideas about the incredible emotional toughness and adapability of human beings.

I also learned once again that people are basically the same everywhere. We all struggle with self-doubts and we look for ways to feel good about ourselves, especially to feel somehow important in this world. I’ve seen those same traits in folks at 11,000 feet in the Andes of South America and I saw them again in Asia, just as I notice them all around me each day in the United States. It’s a universal human issue. In Asia, though, individuality seems less prized than community – the idea of serving a greater cause. I think that’s why the Viet Cong could live in those hellish tunnels for so many years. They were working for something they felt was bigger than themselves, more important than their own personal needs. And I think this helped to crystallize my thinking about the individual’s place in society. The Humanity Project wants to build a better society by helping individuals become better. Maybe the best way to do that is by helping individuals serve something bigger than themselves – service to society, to humanity itself. We’ll have a lot more to say about this in the weeks ahead. Stay tuned.