Why Do We Doubt Ourselves?

The Humanity Project wants to shine a light on a problem that’s inside us each, though in different ways. We doubt ourselves, too easily and too strongly and too often. We see ourselves in completely irrational ways, feeling that “I’m not good enough” or “There’s something wrong with me.” Why does this seem to happen in everyone? I’ve noticed the same tendency in people when I visited a Peruvian town 11,000 feet high in the Andes and I’ve seen it in folks from cultures all over the world. It seems a virtually universal part of being human.

But why? Well, let’s simply look at how we’re raised, for starters. We grow up as helpless children, dependent on other people’s judgments about what’s right and what’s wrong. Not just right and wrong morally, as in “That’s not nice Johnny!” but also right and wrong factually, as in “That stove is hot and can burn you, Sally!” They tell us how the world works, what’s what and why’s why for everything. We don’t know, but THEY know, all those adults but especially our parents. That’s part of the message we absorb all our young lives. Add to that the constant reminders many of us get as kids from adults and siblings and peers that we’re just “wrong” somehow: not smart enough, kind enough, tough enough, athletic enough, good-looking enough. Whatever it is. And that’s only part of the picture. What about the personal problems our parents pass along, the self-doubts and fears they’ve suffered from all their lives? We see how they feel about themselves and so we may learn to feel much the same way. Of course, abusive, addicted or otherwise seriously messed-up parents greatly multiply the damage to a child’s self-confidence and self-trust. The factors that make us what we are seem very complex indeed. Then as we mature, we begin to realize that we sometimes are wrong and others are right about things and that the opinions of others are critical to our success. We also learn the need to please others to make friends, get along with teachers and later with employers, and so on. I’m not saying this completely explains why we doubt ourselves but I think it suggests why this happens.

So what can we do about it? At The Humanity Project, we believe the first step is identifying this as a serious individual problem – one that’s so universal among individuals that it’s also a serious social problem. It damages individual lives and therefore damages society in many ways. By bringing this problem of self-doubt into the open and talking about it, we make us each realize that we’re not alone. It’s ok to discuss this. Open discussion should help us to see some of the specific ways this self-doubt diminishes our individual lives – and in turn, that should give us better tools to prevent that from happening so much. We also gain strength by being part of a community that says, “There is nothing wrong with you – except that you think there’s something wrong with you.” Our group has many plans and many ideas for addressing this self-doubt tendency. We need members and donors and supporters who want to help us spread the word and find new and better solutions. Please join our work.